The plot summary for Splice on Netflix is as follows: “Ignoring instructions from the pharmaceutical company that funds their research, groundbreaking genetic scientists Elsa (Sarah Polley) and Clive (Adrien Brody) continue with an unorthodox experiment to create a human-animal hybrid, a new life form they dub “Dren” (Delphine Chanéac). When they see their fantastical creation, Clive warns that it should be destroyed, but Elsa refuses — a decision she’ll regret when Dren makes deadly plans of her own.” An accurate plot summary would go something more like this: “Groundbreaking genetric scientist Elsa is stunned to find her husband fucking the alien-bio-creature they grew in a vat from a combination of her DNA and animal DNA and were raising as their child.* Later, there is transsexual transgender tentacle rape.” And that’s not even touching on the fact that their child-rearing methods combine a passion for playing Good Cop Bad Cop and randomly switching roles, torturing the alien-bio-creature, and reenacting Elsa’s own questionably abused childhood on it. Or the cross-species pregnancy. Or the murder spree.
I don’t know if Adrien Brody’s agent was asleep at the wheel, or if he God forbid thought this was interesting and profound material. I do know that while this is really incredibly bad, I’m pretty glad I saw it, largely so I could write phrases like “transsexual transgender tentacle rape.”
Splice 1.5 out of 5 stars (Rounded to a 2 on Netflix, largely because 1s are reserved for “made me want to tear out my eyes and set them on fire”)
* For those of you keeping score at home, that’s 33% incest pedophilia, 33% infidelity, and 33% near bestiality. But the infidelity is sort of with a copy of the wife, so it’s really only 66% unambiguously bad.